You Know You're a Graduate Student When....

You Know When You’re a Grad Student when:

• you can identify universities by their internet domains.
• you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels.
• you have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have footnotes.
• you understand jokes about Foucault.
• the concept of free time scares you.
• you consider caffeine to be a major food group.
• you've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.
• Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird.
• the professor doesn't show up to class and you discuss the readings anyway.
• you've ever travelled across two state lines specifically to go to a library.
• you appreciate the fact that you get to choose which twenty hours out of the day you have to work.
• you still feel guilty about giving students low grades (you'll get over it).
• you can read course books and cook at the same time.
• you schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can come.
• you hope it snows during spring break so you can get more studying in.
• you've ever worn out a library card.
• you find taking notes in a park relaxing.
• you find yourself citing sources in conversation.
• you've ever sent a personal letter with footnotes.
• you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
• your office is better decorated than your apartment.
• you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
• you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
• you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
• you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
• everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
• you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
• you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
• there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
• you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
• you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
• you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
• you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
• you consider all papers to be works in progress.
• professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
• you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
• you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
• you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
• you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".
• you start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."
• you often wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
• you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
• you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
• you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication".
• you have a favourite flavour of instant noodle.

Lies told By Graduate Students

(according to the Harvard Crimson)

10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making $80,000 a year on Wall Street.

9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.

8. My work has a lot of practical importance.

7. I would never date an undergraduate.

6. Your latest article was so inspiring.

5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.

3. The department is giving me so much support.

2. My job prospects look really good.

1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

http://www.chat.carleton.ca/~jnoakes/grad.html